Breaking boards vs. Breaking hands

Today, I learned that pushing through can be the difference in breaking a board….or breaking your hand.

I admit it, I have been noticeably absent from my life, as of late.

But sometimes absence can allow for silence. And although I abhor the fact that silence leaves me alone with my true self, it is necessary to face the truth and move through it.

I have spent the last four days in a group therapy retreat designed for therapists. We need support and a safe place to work on things as well! But, I have no worries, as my revelations have no judgement from you. This retreat has allowed me to see a very keen connection of unresolved issues in my personal life to my weight, relationships with men, and with my coping skills.

I eat my feelings, or drink them away….depending on my wallet.

I have made choices to be involved with people who aren’t good for me, and refused others out of fear.

It’s no longer enough to verbally acknowledge these items. I need to push through to the other side. I have to break the board. So,I have signed up to run in next years marathon. I have submitted a request for transfer. And, I am working to value me…..

Obviously, this is a trial and error process…. but ultimately, I control the outcome.

Where, oh where have you been?

I have had such a lovely few weeks. I have a new boy toy, and he is gorgeous, funny, and brilliant. No he’s not perfect. But, I am having such perfect fun.

We were introduced by an aquaintence. And, I was surprisingly surprised. He is an engineer, owns his flat… I’d say he is quite an achievement. Could he be my Mark Darcy?

No idea, but I will do my best to keep you posted.
Cheers!

Down For The Count

I have been out of work for two days now. The doctor wrote me out of work for two days due to exhaustion.

I also have symptoms of vertigo, but doc is hopeful that it is just inner ear.

It is now clear that the toxic nature of my current work environment is effecting my health.

My best girl, Angela, called to check up on me, and gave me the following advice. “You need to take care of yourself and figure out what you want in the long run of your life.”

Maybe there is something in that… I genuinely love my work. However, I do need to change my placement.

I am continuing on the path with yoga. I feel stronger. For the first time, I am realizing that it is more about competing with myself…not others.

I am also continuing to work myself away from
processed foods. But, can I comment about how many foods are processed, genetically modified, etc and all in the name of convenience?

The pursuit of well being is underway. Now, to focus on finding a man.

I have made a terrible mistake of pursuing what was expected. As a result, I haven’t pusrsued my own happiness.

Now, I confess that there things I struggle with…places where I am immature. I am impatient, selfish, and demanding. I say this, mostly because I understand that you can’t overcome something if you refuse to acknowledge it.

I might be down for the count today. But, don’t count me out – yet.

Cheers!
B

Too Smart

This morning, I had a candid conversation with my first year counselor.

She is an adorable, but fidgety girl. I see it as a lack of confidence.

Perhaps it is her keen desire to be helpful, but unsolicited advise is more frequently annoying than helpful.

Today, she chose to inform me that I am too smart to do my job. My assistant chimed in to confirm that most people in the office are not catching what I say to them. When I ask why, he simply says… They can’t believe anyone would be so direct. So, they ignore, or don’t listen.

Well, grand. Apparently, I need to stop talking.

Pissing Match

To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.

Voltaire
French author, humanist, rationalist, & satirist  (1694 – 1778)  

What does one do when besotted with those who are neither intelligent, not well-mannered?

My assistant choose to defend me today, and has now upped the ante in a pissing match.

I have colleague who is supposed to be assisting, but spends more time telling the midget and her footstool how brilliant they are. She is on the phone constantly, and frankly does nothing.

I know that I am bitching and whining. But seriously, we are educators. Where is the glorious bastion of knowledge-seeking intellectuals? Or have I fallen prey to yet another Victorian lie?

(Coincidentally, I find the Victorian lie of virtue to be the worst aspect survived into the modern age.)

Maybe, I am delusional… But more likely, I am frustrated at the apathy so prevalent in both my colleagues and our youth. I am no different than the thousands of educators and instructors come before me.

There is no perfect environment. But, I deserve a better one than I have. Time to get on with it. Transfer papers in the morning.

Good news is no cola, so far. No weight gain, either. Yoga seems to be helping. Now to see about a man… And, not a married one.

Wt. 13 st. 9
Alcohol 0
Caffeine 0
fitness: 20 minutes of dancing

Senseless

I find myself wondering how things get off course.

As I continue to detox from caffeine, overly processed foods, and stress, I realize that I have never been god with quiet nor quieting my mind.

Sometimes, I think that the whole problem starts with one senseless decision and moves forward from there.

This seems to be applicable in all areas.

Yoga has been one of the best decisions I have made in awhile. I am competing against me, learning to be quiet, how to quiet the mind, and to trust myself.

The scary part, for me at least, is that I apparently did not know how to, or did not know how to practice such behaviours. I am learning…slowly.

There may be hope yet…

Here We Are Again…

I went to see the gynecologist today, and to quote the wit(less) brother, “found out whether or not my produce is past its prime.”

Happy to report it is properly ripe.

Not feeling well though… I assume it has to do with the joyous working environment I find myself in at current. But changes are coming…
After all, I can’t stay in the same spot. It Isn’t a very Bridge-like thing to do.

But, I really must get some sleep. I need to do away with being up like this. Anyone have a remedy?

Nite.
B

The Child In Us All

On Friday, I took a bold move forward. I went into the director’s office and shared a few of the interactions I had in the last week with the illustrious supervisor. It was stated that things would be addressed. But, I did not expect to be receiving the full silent shoulder behaviour from my immediate cooperating staff.

Why are the world’s most immature individuals working with our youth?

The worst part is not the silence. It is the sheer disrespect. I deserve better as a human being. I might not like you, but I will still be civil.

Apparently, I need to file a request to transfer. Dust off the CV, I need a new job.

Trading Sides

It’s a common practice amongst we women to engage in game change.

I try not to be too guilty of this in relationships and work, lest anyone decide me to be a less than stable individual.

But, a wise woman always knows what ammunitions are in storage, how to use it, and is willing to use it.

Workplace and personal relationships are full of these ammunitions. I work hard to have as much on hand as possible.

My current work environment is hostile. I have asked for advice assistance and response. None of my superiors appear to want to get involved. Perhaps it’s complicated in ways I don’t realize.

But it is often comical to watch my immediate director tell me that she doesn’t play games, like I do. She isn’t smart enough too think that way. I don’t believe her.

I am waiting for a game change… And, I think it might be coming soon.

Tease

I have been called a tease six times this week by my flirty, MARRIED, male workmate.

He’s buying me coffee.

Complimenting me.

I like it.

Should I worry?